I was chatting with my friend Mena and she randomly sent me this message.
I've been a pretty good girl this year. I've tried not to be too mean to anyone. I passed my classes. I even kept in pretty good contact with my family. Can I please, handsome, please have some new eye candy in the ward and everywhere else, too, while you're at it? Oh, can they be decent guys and not d-bags, too? And, while we're at it, I prefer (naturally) dark hair, Southern manners, hard workers, good senses of style, great senses of humor, tolerance for others, and respect/admiration for me. Thanks so much!
So here was my reply.
I understand your plight and would love to give you this present for Christmas seeing as how you have fulfilled all the requirements on the “good girl list.” However I am currently very occupied and must over see my elves up here in the north pole and therefore I am unable to move into your ward to provide the proper eye candy that would be needed. I apologize for my failings and will send something sparkly or shiny this Christmas.
Ho ho ho,